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FALL 2004

NEAT TRICKS

Does Wedding Planning Have You Crazed and Confused?
Six Professional Organizers Share Tips for Conquering Chaos by Kelly Bare

Sure you've got your act together–swell job, strapping man, fulfilling life–but are you organized? Being unable to find things takes a mental toll, whether you're hunting for the bridesmaids' dress swatch, the remote control, or your keys. At best, it leaves you temporarily frustrated and frazzled; at worst, it means you're chronically late and poorly prepared or whatever life slings your way.

"Being organized gives you more time and puts money back in your pocket–you're not spending money on things you already own but can't find–and that gives you peace of mind," says Stacey Agin Murray, a professional organizer in Fair Lawn, NJ.

And if you think peace of mind is valuable in everyday life, it's absolutely priceless when you are taking on a huge task like planning a wedding. If you're too cash-strapped to hire a professional organizer to help you get your life in order, don't worry–we've got their best tips for you, absolutely free. Ready to go beyond dutiful planner or PDA use and to-do lists? Enter the blissed-out realm of the super-organized with our easy 10-point plan.

1. Jump Right In

While it's perfectly OK to take some time to bask in the glow of your shiny new ring, the sooner after your engagement you start planning and the more work you do up front, the happier you'll be on the big day.

"The last few weeks before the wedding should be as enjoyable as possible, and the more prepared and organized you are, the more relaxed you will be," says Rachel Berkowitz, a professional organizer in NYC. "Some decisions can wait until a few weeks before your wedding day, such as the song list you'd like the band to play. But just because these decisions can wait until the last moment doesn't mean they have to. There's no need to hold off until tomorrow what you can get checked off your list today."

2. Communicate

It's easy for your wedding planning to get off track if you and your fiance rarely talk about your plans. Start with a kick-off conversation, maybe over a casual dinner or a bottle of wine, and keep each other in the loop to minimize confusion and prevent duplicating work.

"Before you plan anything, make sure your expectations are along the same lines–and are realistic," says Devon Burton, a NYC space planner and organizer. "Discuss your budget, the number of guests you want and how to set boundaries with family members, especially your mothers." You may not agree on everything, but being honest with each other will help.

Once you're square on the big stuff, then talk a bit about dividing planning duties–and clearly communicate any expectations you have for one another. "You need to be realistic about how involved your fiance will be, Burton says. In other words, don't necessarily expect your fiance to tackle the centerpiece options–he may be more comfortable picking out cake flavors. Allocate the to-dos according to your strengths, interests and schedule.

3. Prioritize

During your conversation with your guy, determine what matters most to the two of you about your wedding."These should not be mom's priorities, not your best friend's priorities, but your priorities, NYC-based organizer Laura Gimpel says. Choose three to five things you really care about in the ceremony or reception, focus on those items and be relaxed on others."

Create a ranked list of what you care about most, whether it's having great food and music or choosing a theme that reflects your interests. Refer to the list often during the planning process and you'll stay focused, allocating the most time, energy, and money to the things that are most important to you.

4. Know Thyself

Now that you know what matters most, decide how best to get it done. Professional organizers are quick to point out that there's no one right way to get organized. "It's an internal thing you need to work on personally." says Burton. "There's no clear-cut answer that works for everyone."

Think about how you've approached other big planning tasks in your life–applying to college, moving to a new city, hunting for a home, planning other parties or events–an make an honest assessment of your strengths and weaknesses.

"You need to know if you can pull this off on your own, or whether you need to hire planer." says Burton. "People tend to think they're more organized than they are. If you can be honest with yourself, great. If not, ask one or two friends, "Do you think I can handle this?"

If the answer is yes, think about how you can personalize any systems or tools to best serve your unique quirks. "An organizational system works best when it's an outflow of how you work," syas Gimpel. "If you think in terms of dates, file or pile according to when contracts need to be signed and decisions need to be made. If you think in terms of vendors, file according to categories. File folders labeled alphabetically won't do any good if you think by subject."

5. Delegate

Eschewing a wedding planner doesn't mean you have to work alone. "Don't be afraid to ask friends for help," Berkowitz says. "Even those not in the wedding will probably enjoy helping and it will save you time."

Think about your available time and your talents, and enlist other people to fill in the gaps: "Delegate the tasks you don't do well or don't enjoy very much," says Agin Murray. "If you don't have an artistic eye, take a friend with you when you look at invitations. Maybe Grandpa George is retired and has nothing better to do–send him to the post office for stamps. But if the task is really important to you, you have to do it yourself."

Remember to be respectful of other people's time, and also remember that you'll be 'managing' them as they work, which takes up your time, too. "Delegate one person per task, otherwise it gets too confusing," advises Burton. You'll want to set parameters, so your helpers know what you expect. For instance, if you're having a friend design your wedding programs, let her know what info you want included and what colors and styles fit your wedding vision, so she can create something that's perfect for your big day. Set a deadline, and check in with her from time to time to find out how she's progressing.

6. Make Time

Now that you know who's doing what, you have two new priorities: Managing the master schedule, and figuring out how to fit your own personal wedding planning tasks into your life.

For the master calendar, Berkowitz suggests that you buy a wedding-only calendar to keep all the information in one place. A calendar that hangs on the wall or sits on a desk so you (and anyone else who is helping you with your arrangements) can view it at a glance can be especially useful.

On the calendar, write in your wedding date first, and work backward from there, creating checkpoints along the way by which time you want to accomplish certain things–find a dress, choose a caterer, etc.

Be realistic about the time it will take you to meet your milestones. "At the outset, figure out how much time you can devote to this." says Bonnie Singer, a professional organizer in NYC. "Allocate time as you would with any new project. Even use some vacation days at work if you have to."

Whether you can devote an hour or a week or an entire day, put it on your calendar–and don't let other tasks take over that time. If you will need to take time off work, request those days off right away.

If you're having trouble accomplishing things by your deadlines, Gimpel suggests you break your goals into smaller pieces and designate specific amounts of time for various tasks. "For example, say to yourself, 'I will do one hour of online research for photographers today and e-mail three to request information.'" she says. "Quantify what you will do and how much time you will spend."

7. Choose Your Spot

Professional organizers agree–to pull off a wedding, it's easiest to keep all wedding-related information in one location.

"It really doesn't matter if it's online, in a paper file system or in a pile on the kitchen table," says Gimpel. "Just commit to everything going in that one spot."

NYC organizer Barbara Brock recommends keeping all your planning materials, the calendar, a phone and/or computer in your designated weding space. Don't have room to spare in your studio apartment? Brock suggests "thinking up" rather than out, with shelves or 'wall pockets.' which can be found in stores like Bed Bath & Beyond, The Container Store or Hold Everything.

"It's important to have a space for every little item. Don't put the pencils in with the paper. You don't want to always be searching. And the more shelves and cubbies brides have to house different items, the better, because it will cut down on clutter," she says. "The benefit of reducing clutter, the less confused it will be, and then your mind will be less cluttered and you'll be happier."

Barbara is also a fan of labeling–a P-Touch label maker is a top-of-the-line choice, though a Sharpie and neat penmanship work just as well. "Labeling a shelf or file folder isn't only for you, it's for other people, too." she says.

8. Keep It Simple

Things can really get messy once you begin the mammoth task of gathering ideas, research and information.You want to be thorough, of course, but do you really need to look at every store in a 100-mile radius for the perfect dress? Not necessarily. "A wedding is a short-list project," says Brock. "You always wantt o narrow it down."

"A great way to simplify planning without jeopardizing the results is to take recommendations from people you know and trust," says Berkowitz. There are so many vendors out there–you need to start small in order to keep from getting overwhelmed."

If you don't have a personal connection to a vendor, be sure to check references. "You may find that it is an easy way to eliminate vendors," Berkowitz adds.

Then don't be afraid to take the plunge. "Once you commit to something, commit," says Singer. "Don't second guess. If you fall in love with a wedding dress, don't go on and on looking for something better."

9. Don't Be A Pack Rat

If you are using word of mouth to limit the number of vendors you're contacting, keeping up with your binder and puting everything in one spot in your home, chances are you won't be overwhelmed with wedding materials."Remember that it's a short-term project, and as long as everything is in its separate home, it's manageable," says Brock.

Still, things can pile up and you shouldn't be afraid to let go. "In saving stuff, you need to answer the question: "Why am I saving this?," says Gimpel. "The best advice I've ever heard is 'save the source.' Save a name, phone number and e-mail address, not the 22-page color catalog."

Just be sure you don't become too overzealous with your purging."You don't want to throw away a name or telephone number that might be useful just for the sake of decluttering." Brock says.

"I suggest setting aside one hour per week to sort and file all the information you've gathered," advises Berkowitz. "You'll find when you go back over things that some ideas will no longer seem attractive and your pile of papers will get smaller."

10. Make a Backup Plan

Now that you know how to get uber-organized, remember that a vital part of any great plan is a backup plan–especially if you want peace of mind. "Put a backup plan down for everything, so you'll know what to do if, say, the groom's best friend loses something," Singer says.

Berkowitz agrees. "Should something fall through with a vendor at the last minute, you want to have contact information for another good vendor at hand."

Still, know that you can't control every last little detail of a project like a wedding. "I suggest having a point person–not yourself–who can manage any last-minute details," Gimpel says. "Plan as much as you can in advance and then be ready to be flexible!"

All this work up fron will pay amazing dividends on your wedding day. The only thing that will be left to do is relax, have fun, and of course, look amazing–because, as Berkowitz puts it, "A calm bride is a beautiful bride."

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